


it's all a lord of the flies reference

by AlmondRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Pigs, damian has an adopting problem, gratuitous use of febreze, he gets it from his dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:46:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10014551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmondRose/pseuds/AlmondRose
Summary: Wayne Manor is turning into a barn. What else is new?





	

“What is that  _ smell?”  _ Dick asked, coming into the kitchen. 

 

“I hab no idea,” Tim said, his voice muffled by his hand plugging his nose. It literally smelled like a barn in there. An actual barn. 

 

“Did Batcow escape again?” Babs asked, wheeling in from another room. Dick shrugged. It didn’t smell like Batcow, though.

 

“Do you have any ideas, Tim?” Dick asked. 

 

“Well,” Tim said, still plugging his nose. “I’b thinking it’s Dabian. Or Jason. Also I don’t really  _ care  _ as long as de sbell gets out soon.”

 

“Did someone say, ‘smell gets out’?” Duke asked, sliding into the room on his socks and modeling a can of febreze in his hands. “Cause boy I have the product for you!” He paused for a moment to gag, presumably on the smell. “This here febreze is--” he checked the label, “--lavender blossom breeze! It’ll be sure to get all smells out of kitchens in a jiffy!”

 

“Did you just say ‘jiffy’ unironically,” Babs asked in a monotone. Duke ignored her.

 

“It’s especially good at getting the smell of---animal poop?--out of rooms! It’s already been used in the family room and main hall, while Alfred goes to mass buy some for the cave.”

 

“De cabe sbells, too?” Tim asked, groaning. 

 

“Alright, let’s all calm down and solve this rationally,” Dick said. “Preferably before Bruce gets back. Duke, do your thing, and Babs, let’s go find--” He was interrupted by a loud noise from outside. 

 

All four of them move as one, heading outside and Dick saw Duke hold up his febreze threateningly.  _ Good man,  _ he thought. 

 

He faltered as he got outside, though, because the sight before him was rather unfathomable. 

 

Steph was there, wielding a hose and spraying it at Damian, who slipped and fell in a patch of dirt that marred the perfect lawn, almost hitting himself in the face with the shovel in his hands. 

 

“What the  _ heck  _ is going on here,” Dick yelled, and Steph and Damian turned with equally guilty expressions, and Babs breathed in a sharp inhale, and that was when Dick noticed the pig. 

  
  


It was small, still a piglet, and it was in the mud next to Damian, and Steph and Damian’s endeavors made a little more sense, and Dick realized all of this after he stopped screaming at them.

 

Tim chuckled and slid away, and Duke looked hopelessly at his single can of half-empty febreze. 

 

“Aflred’s lawn,” Babs whispered, then she poked Dick’s side. “Good luck with that.” 

  
  


And she turned and wheeled away. 

 

“WHAT are you  _ doing  _ with that--” Dick started. 

 

“Don’t take Ralph away!” Damian yelled, holding the piglet close to his chest. Steph aimed her--now off, thank god--hose at Dick and Duke threateningly. 

 

“Damian, you can’t just adopt  _ pigs  _ randomly,” Dick sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

 

“But I love him!” Damian shouted, offended. 

 

“Don’t take Ralph away,” Steph said. “He’s a little sweetheart and why  _ can’t  _ Damian adopt an entire farm, really?”

 

“Steph--” Dick sighed. 

 

“What?” she said. “I’m personally invested in this!”

 

“I can’t believe you ruined Alfred’s lawn,” Dick muttered, then louder he said, “Where did you even find him, anyway?”

 

“The fair,” Damian and Steph answered promptly. 

 

“Why me,” Dick groaned. “Fine. Fine. Whatever.  _ You  _ all can deal with this.  _ I  _ will be literally anywhere else. Have fun telling Bruce.”

  
“We can’t tell him!” Damian shrieked, and Dick heard Duke whisper, “I’m gonna need a  _ lot  _ more febreze.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading! comments and kudos are welcome <3!


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